February 17, 2015

Little Clark II: 26 weeks

Also I realize these are not exactly the best pictures ever.  
Hello Graham,

This week was...eventful.  The weather has been absolutely gorgeous here so we've been outside a  great deal.  Friday your Dad surprised me with a night away to Oregon City, just the two of us.  It was so relaxing, and with no big brother crawling all over you, I was able to feel so much of you moving around!  You are 14 inches long, and I can tell because you decided to crawl up into my right rib cage the other day.  Another appointment come and gone...strong heartbeat 140s, and constantly kicking the doppler then hiding.  I washed two little outfits for you and tucked them into our go bag which is sitting on top my our dresser.  Your first McCurry cousin has arrived, Isabel Treintje.  And you went on your first "hike".  Thankfully it was nothing like the Hike of Death I went on when pregnant with your brother.  Life keeps moving on.  It feels like forever ago we found out about anencephaly...reality says its only been six weeks.  six weeks tomorrow.  I looked into funeral homes this week baby, and that was the worst thing ever.  But I looked into children's hospice nurses as well.  We get another ultrasound (hopefully) on the 27th.  I would love to see whatever profile you have since they didn't give us any.  I found out a girl I know is having a baby just like you, and all I could think was; please, God no.  It hit your Dad and I pretty hard this last week as to what life is going to be like, pending a miracle.  But we are enjoying you, and I am especially your kicks.  Take care sweet one.  Get rest tonight and wake ready to kick some more tomorrow.

We love you son,
Mama & Fadda

In other news...today was horrible because: 
I cried when thinking of the comments insinuating that Graham’s condition is my fault.
James bit me twice, and I wish I had a better bruise to prove it.
James jumped on my belly making it ache and me worry about Graham coming early.
I spent time thinking about coming home from the hospital with no Graham and crying.
I cried myself to sleep, and when I awoke my hair was wet from either drool or tears or both.
We had no milk in the house.

But there were these saving graces,
I ate a delicious bagel with cream cheese.
There were two random texts from friends/family telling me that they cared about me & our fam.
Mom watched James for a bit so I could cry myself to sleep take a nap.
Brad hugs. 
James shared his blankey and lots of snuggles today.
The sun was shining, and the windows were all open.
There are clean sheets on my bed.
God is still here.

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