February 3, 2015

Little Clark II: 23 + 24 weeks

23 weeks - 1/27/2015

Hello little Graham,

We found out the name of your soon to arrive McCurry cousin who was charted to arrive this last Sunday...still a no show!  But she will probably be here soon, which we are excited about.  And you made it through another week for which we are SO thankful the Lord is happy to let you stay a while longer.  They say you can tell when I'm moving around this week, so hopefully you've been enjoying our walks through the field and around the park.  We've been receiving some delicious meals lately.  Our friends and family want to make sure that we are taken care of, and we are so thankful!  The amount of support from our friends family and community is continually astounding me.  There have been many things to be thankful for as of late.  This week your Dad was able to feel you moving!!!  I braved the internet again this week to read some stories from other little ones like you...what parents thought went well and what they wished they had done differently.  Oh son, it is going to be difficult to let you go, and I'm still praying for some miracle.  Even though I know that God can heal you, I'm afraid to hope.  I know that hope is a major part of my faith...but I just don't have the strength for it.  I am already using strength not my own just to love you and be a person each day.  Several people have asked if we are feeling abandoned or angry at God because of what is happening.  I don't think so, I think that we live in a place full of brokenness and hurt.  For a while that hurt is claiming you for itself, but when God is ready, he's going to snatch you away to make you whole and perfect in heaven.  That doesn't mean I'm not sad, but just know that you will be loved and cared for no matter where you are.  Your mama got her Master's certificate in the mail this week.  That was an anticlimactic event...just much less important that other things going on.  Living in today being number one.  Are you liking James' favorite song of late, "Take me out to the ballgame"?  Or are you ready to join me in hiding that book so we never have to sing it again?  I think he's discovering that Mama is changing sizes because he likes to lift up my shirt and pat my belly.  So I take that to mean he is saying hello.  We got to listen to your heartbeat yesterday fella, Graham you sound perfect.

Love you hugely,
Mama, Fadda & Brudda

24 weeks - 2/3/2015

Hello son, 

You're getting big in there little buddy almost a foot long!  And I can definitely tell because my belly is the size of a soccer ball.  You have found your favorite spot to be...as low as possible, I swear sometime I think you're going to pop out.  Please don't do that yet tho buddy.  Your McCurry cousin is still a no show, a week late, and you're welcome to follow her lead.  You have been becoming much more active this week.  Your thumping around inside makes me want to lay on the couch all day and feel your movements.  This week has been full of ups and downs.  Some people have wondered if we are hoping for a miracle, and even though it is what I want, it isn't what I hope.  I hope that we'll see you again in heaven, and that is what makes me wake up to this horrible future of wondering when you are finished here.  Do you know how strange it is to grieve for something that hasn't even happened?  I guess you won't have to experience that baby because there isn't any sadness where you are going.  In the meantime, I've been reminded how much care, love and support we have in our friends and family.  Truly Graham, they are propping us up.  This community that stretches across blood, state lines, and towns is really incredible.  And so little fella, keep kicking away, I love each one, but you the most.  This week I picked up a little premie outfit for you (incase you come early or are a little fella like your brother) as well as a newborn outfit.  They are going to feel so soft on your skin.  I think I'm going to make a little cap for you as well, but we'll see.

Thanks for staying put another week,
Mama & Daddy

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