January 23, 2015

Little Clark II: Weeks 20 & 21

20 weeks - 1/7/2015
My dear son,

I took a photo of your growing home on Tuesday night…the evening we found out you are a boy!  A boy!!  Words cannot express how excited we were/are to find out that you would be a brother, and imagined all the fun/trouble you and James would be getting into together.  We texted all the family, who were also thrilled at the news.  It is remarkable to think that one of the brightest days of our lives could be followed by one of the darkest.  Well baby, we love you so much.  I can feel you moving even with my hands on the outside, especially at night.  But little one, we got a phone call Wednesday saying that we needed to come in because they had some very serious concerning news.  Needless to say I didn’t want to…and cried the entire rest of the day until our appointment.  The doctor that the condition they found is fatal and that you won’t survive long past birth, if that far.  At that I slid off the exam table onto your Dads lap and we wept together, as did the kind doctor who probably hated her job at that moment.  Oh my dear son, we were so looking forward to snuggling you, hearing your laugh, seeing your little face scrunch up when you are hungry, everything.  All that is taken away.  She gave us two options: end my pregnancy now or keep going and have a few weeks to a few months left.  My boy I can’t imagine making that heart of yours stop.  We will let you go when you are done on this earth.  Until then we are most assuredly trying to enjoy your presence with us now.  Sweet baby, your mama and daddy don’t know what to do from here except weep at what is to come.  But we love you, and as always pray for you daily.

Kisses,
Mama & Daddy

21 weeks - 1/14/2014

My dear Graham,

We have gone a week with the bad news.  I’ll admit that there have been many tears on my end of things.  But I absolutely cherish every kick and flutter you make inside.  You’re 21 weeks old as of Tuesday.  I didn't know if I should keep writing or even posting, but I figured it would be more honoring to you if I did.  We had chosen the name Graham Wheeler Clark.  Partly an old Clark family name and partly because we love my brother's initials...GW.  I hope that you like it as much as we do because now you're stuck with it. :)  We know that you’re above weight at 12 oz last week, and surely adding more weight daily.  You usually like to wake up around 9:30 each night and kick around for quite a while.  Last night however, you changed that routine, and I was worried sick.  I felt a few flutters, but nothing like your usual.  This morning you were kicking up a storm, and those fears were laid to rest.  I’m so glad you are still feeling up for another week.  I love you son.  I think that so many do around here.  I think of all the people praying for you and our family, and it astounds me.  It would be a lie to say that I’m doing well…my sad times greatly outnumber the joyous.  I’m trying.  But your brother has taken to pretend to wipe his nose, and then he comes and wipes mine.  Apparently he’s seen me wiping my nose enough to mimic.  Its pretty sweet.  Thanks for your many kicks this week.  I just felt another one right now.  Hoping that my tears don’t upset you.

Take care tonight little one,
Mama

7 comments:

  1. This brings tears to mine eyes. I'm so happy you are gonna get time, however little, with GW before he goes to heaven. Continuing the blog is a capital idea and I look forward to reading about his continuing exploits in utero. (Google says that utero is misspelled but I think it's lying to me!) We love you lots

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  2. Hey Dan. Thanks for the encouragement, we are savoring every moment he is still here.

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  3. Praying for you all, Susan. My heart broke when I heard the news. Know that you all are covered in love and prayers by many people!

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    1. Hi Melissa. Thank you so much for your prayers, and for taking the time to tell me that you are. I appreciate it.

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  4. Susan, we were so very sorry to hear the sad news. There seem to be no appropriate words, but please know you are all in our heartfelt thoughts and prayers. Much love to your entire family.

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  5. Hi Julie, you're right that there is really nothing to say to make it better. But please know that I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, knowing that you care is enough.

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  6. I love you all, Susan! Praying for you, Graham, and all the family daily.

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